Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
