Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
