I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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