remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
