he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
