Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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