peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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