If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
