dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
