You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
whose ass print is on the piano?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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