i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
