While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
