This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
