Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had sex on a roof
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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