Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize