I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
