I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
