Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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