Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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