Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
