I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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