I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
