You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
