Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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