i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
