you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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