What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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