He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
