So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
