Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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