what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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