Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
