It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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