playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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