omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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