I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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