dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
