I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
