Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
