I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
