I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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