this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
