Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
