i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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