If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
