So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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