rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
