she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
