i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
