why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
