Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
