Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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