nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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