I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
