apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
