im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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