You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
