Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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