Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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