Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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