He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
