i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
