Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
