took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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