he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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