when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
