foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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