i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
