Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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