I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
