if you like me you must not know who I am
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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